Turn back time

Last weekend we went to the Tate Modern to see what was new. He wanted to see the Embankment installation by Rachel Whiteread. It didn't really move me. I scampered through it dying to go up to my favourite piece by Giuseppe Penone.

Tree of 12 metres. I can't do it justice by describing it, and this picture doesn't do the job very well either. Penone took a man-made timber beam and used a chain-saw to chisel it to reveal 'the tree inside'. The form of the tree is visible, showing the knots of the young branches. He leaves the base of the beam to contrast. It's lovely.

Things to look forward to

It's been pretty busy around here lately. Next week brings another series of hard work and late nights. I have:

• my boss visiting the office for a week (from the US)
• two confirmed office dinners, and probably 3 unconfirmed evenings in the pub
• a company presentation at which I will actually be presenting
• a series of difficult conversations
• an assignment due (I passed my exams by the way)
• ...any other essential tasks as assigned

What, you may ask, is there to look forward to? Cake Friday, is my answer. Double chocolate muffin, you can't beat it. A perfect double chocolately end to the week.

GI Jane

I've been dabbling in the world of red, yellow and green. The GI Diet. After following a 7-day plan from a Sunday-paper supplement ('following' is a very loose description) I've decided to give it a proper go. Went out a bought a book and everything, so now I have to do it. Starting tomorrow.

For an indeterminable period - apparently between 3 and 6 months - I have to live my life in the Green column. My favourite fruit - the underestimated banana - falls into the Yellow column, so there lies an immediate problem. My philosophy has always been: as long as its food from the earth, I can eat as much as I wanted...hmm. I hereby appoint the banana an honorary Green column food. I have to, otherwise there's not much chance of this thing lasting.

My so-called life

I'm a disgrace. For the first time in my life I bought not one, but two tabloid magazines (at the same time) just because they blared my two favourite words on the cover: Chantelle & Preston.

Live the dream. No pressure.

12 steps to serenity

I have spent every night of the past 3 weeks watching Celebrity Big Brother (fondly known as CBB).

It's Saturday night, the first night since CBB came to a glorious end, and I feel...bereft. I've had to go cold turkey, and let me tell you, it's not pretty. Gone are the shrieks of disbelief as Pete lays into Traci. Gone are the moments deciphering what Dennis is saying. And, gone are the butterflies while we wait for Chantelle and Preston to fall in love.

I need a fix! Give it to me! I'm off to scour the news site for more more more.

Baby, I don't care

This week I've felt a bit like Wendy James. Things have appeared very black and white to me. Usually I mess around with the shades of grey and consider things from everyone's angle. Sometimes this results in a non-conclusion, but ultimately everyone is appeased. Maybe I just don't care anymore? Is this the end of my civility?

In the stars?

I've always been happy to entertain all things astrological. Numerology, birth charts, Kabalarian philosophy, horoscopes...

I've never had a reading, or had a chart prepared for me, but from time to time I try out the free ones online to pass the time. You provide your full name (as on your birth certificate, apparently that is super important), your birth date and time, and et voila, your chart appears, albeit a brief one. $14.95 for a full report of 8-10 pages in layman's language. (Hippies have to earn a living too.)

The best one I've seen is, wait for it, 0800-Horoscope.com

Apparently it's going to be a good year for me. That's what I like to hear.

In favour of podiquette

Now that I have one, I feel quite justified in expressing my annoyance at other commuters iPod abuses.

Definition: podiquette noun: 1. unwritten code of acceptable behaviours when using an MP3 device, such as an iPod.

You, yes you, in the pristine unscuffed, unmarked baby-poo-coloured Caterpillar boots, you know who you are. You tapped loudly with both feet with no discernible rhythm (a generous description) all the way along the District line. You looked around you and mouthed obviously to the words, although you only knew a few of them. You jiggled your knees, stood up, walked around, sat down again, all the while trying to get someone to catch your eye. Make it stop.

Unassembled

It's almost time to go back to work and I desperately need to start reassembling my reality. These past weeks I have allowed myself to forget that my reality is a job, responsibility and paying the bills. For me, time off can be dangerous: I begin to think that things can be different. Monday morning comes, and I have to accept that things are not different.

I've not made any resolutions, only wishes. I wish it were easier. Easier to be good; to give my time freely; to put my dreams first; to not so thoroughly enjoy the material world; to have the courage to make a difference in some way, and to take the time to pursue what I love doing instead of getting up and going to work everyday because it means a pay cheque.

I found the best cushion in a little shop in Scotland. It caught my eye more than once, so I bought it. It says: "Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled". Well, it's not only snowmen is it? I think that's why I took it home with me – kindred spirits, me and that little snowman. Ha ha ha.

Happy New Year.

Nostalgia

Spending time with my music collection has taken me back to times past, evoking a curious mixture of emotion.

Today was the first snow of winter. This photo taken from my kitchen window.

Pod person

I'm one of them. After being infinitely proud of not having an iPod - my trusty Sony Discman providing me with the only musical pleasure I thought I needed - it's happened. He Who Plays Warcraft, in the guise of Santa, presented me with an iPod for Christmas. An impossibly small black nano. I'm a convert, I can't wait to make it my own. Merry Christmas.

Irreconcilable differences

Gay marriages, or Civil Partnerships, became legal in England today, and subsequently, Elton John got married.

It got me thinking about divorce rates and I wondered if homosexual divorce rates would increase as rapidly as heterosexual divorce rates. Civil Partnerships are ended by dissolution orders, not divorce, but the result is the same: the end of a legal relationship.

As is my wont, I did a little bit of research on how easy it is to get a quickie divorce. Pretty easy, it seems. For £25.99 you can get a DIY Divorce. For those who are status conscious, the services are available in Platinum, Gold, Silver and Bronze. Why should you use their services? Why, because they've handled 30,000 divorces since 2000. Interested? You can download a Divorce Demo. I kid you not.

Adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion - these are a few of the "grounds" you can choose from. I have my very own reason which I cannot seem to find on any of the websites: World Of Warcraft.

Hmm, I might think about petitioning.

Ring-a-Ding Ding

I went to the Savoy Theatre to see The Rat Pack the other night. I know you're thinking they're dead, aren't they? and you're right. Whoever played the parts of Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jnr. did so very well.

Now, I love the theatre, but I prefer a proper musical - like with a storyline. People standing around singing is not usually my thing, but I stuck it out. (One of our party actually said "this is not my thing" and left halfway).

It was surprisingly good. The dialogue was excellent, transcripted from actual shows in Las Vegas. The singing was good too. Unexpectedly, I knew all of the songs.

Watching reruns

Today is the first day of my much deserved holiday. I'll not be back in the office until the New Year. How wonderful that sounds. It won't work out that way of course. There will be emails and phone calls, there always are. I expect them, nay, I welcome them. One can never really turn off. If I did, I think I'd be back at square one, another first day at work.

"I'm sorry, you are...?" I'd say, knowing I recognised the face but not quite being able to place it.
"Huh? Are you nuts, I'm Kelly. Your boss?" My boss would say with a worried look.
"Are you asking me, or are you actually my boss?"
"I'm actually your boss. Remember me? I'm the one who pays you."
"Ah yes, it's coming back to me now."

On my days off, I always watch morning TV. It's rerun heaven. A double bill of Will & Grace (love); yet another double bill of Friends (you can't beat that) and a good solid Frasier. That is what I intend to do every single day of my holiday. My TV morning begins at 8.00am and my real life morning begins at 10.30am. It's going to be FAB.

Born under a wandering star

I have spent a great deal of my life dreaming of, and encouraging, change. In my teens, feeling dissatisfied and restless, I would move the furniture around in my bedroom, at least every two weeks, just to experience the change I seem to constantly crave (no, not al la KD).

When my perpetual wanderlust whispers sweet nothings to me, some days I hear them more clearly than others, and I might go away for a long weekend. It helps, at least until the next bout.

So, when today I started to feel like I need a change, and I was pondering the merits of living in yet another country (I've lived in 3), I wasn't too shaken up. Par for the course, I thought, at this time of year. By this time of year, I mean my birthday. It's a big one, and dammit, it deserves big dreams.

Christiania, Copenhagen

Christiania, also known as Freetown Christiania, is a neighbourhood with its own rules, independent of the Danish government. It's a hippy commune of sorts. Christiania was started in an abandoned army barracks in Copenhagen, Denmark, in 1971. The government has attempted, without success, to remove the squatters, and is not sympathetic to its existence as soft drugs have always been part of the plan. (The main drag is known as Pusher Street).

Although I found the Christiania experience quite disturbing, I had to laugh (and take a photo) when I saw this message. It's really about bending the rules, just a little bit. Like a STOP sign saying PAUSE AND THEN GO.

I just want to buy a melon

I pretty sure I've never had any Malibu, but I adore the TV ads.

There are times when I feel exactly like that: all I want to do is buy a melon and the melon stand owner is either too clueless or too enthusiastic to understand that all I want is a melon.

I love the versatility of that statement. It can apply to so many situations.

SRY PLZ 4GV ME

This is a retraction of sorts. Ref: Savvy?

Having thought more about this issue I have with text messaging, I feel it's necessary to review and update my stance on it. It concerns me more when anyone habitually writes and speaks as if they are using a mobile phone. I heard a story about a woman in someone's office who says LOL instead of laughing. Fucking annoying. I do think that if I don't keep taking handfuls of Valium I could get rather annoyed that no one seems to be too bothered that we have a generation of people who think it's cool to speak and spell poorly. Oh God, I sound so uptight. I'm not really. L8R.

GAP ad

I was taken in today by the idea of Christmas in winter. Wandering around Covent Garden I felt a warm glow sneaking up on me. The tree was up, green and broad in the square, with its star seated regally atop its branches. The shops were lit up with their fairly lights sparkling in the twilight. Chestnusts were a-roasting, wine was a-flowing. Cold air making my eyes water, warm air making my cheekbones ache. Wrapping my scarf around me snugly and grinning fondly, I felt like I was in a GAP ad. Love all that.

Fishism: An Ode

Today I put years of Ally McBeal watching to good use. As a defendant at an employment tribunal hearing, I took the stand, I cross-examined (and was cross-examined) and I prepared a (very) brief summation (I'm believe I'm right, I believe you're wrong). It wasn't glamourous and it wasn't witty. It helps if you are prepared, and more importantly that you are right. I was. The claimant said some hurtful things, however, we won. Bygones.